Retro Horror Review: ‘Eight Legged Freaks’ Spiders Equal Trouble For Prosperity

Eight Legged Freaks is now streaming on HBOMax. Reader Beware Spoilers!

In the 1950’s the fear of Nuclear war was in the zeitgeist of the American public.  Combined with the general dislike for insects and the like, Hollywood started their giant bug craze with 1954’s THEM which brought mutated ants into the streets of Los Angeles. Tarantula (1955) saw a 100-foot spider terrorize a young Clint Eastwood.

Deadly Mantis, Incredible Shrinking Man and of course Arachnophobia all followed suit showing the damage a few giant insects, or hundreds of little ones can do to a town. Director Ellory Elkayem thought, what if we had hundreds of huge mutated spiders in a small town? What would that look like? It looked like 2002’s horror-comedy Eight Legged Freaks. A throwback to the science fiction films of the 50’s.

Opening on the conspiratorial rantings of local radio show host Harlan Griffith (Doug E. Doug playing an Art Bell type here), who warns of pending alien attack, a truck carrying toxic waste swerves after a rabbit runs out into the road and manages to lose a chemical container off the side and into a small pond on the roadside. Unfortunately for the town, this water source is where Joshua (uncredited Tom Noonan) gets his crickets for his Exotic Spider Farm. And what do spiders eat? You guessed it.

Mike Parker (Scott Terra), the young son of sheriff Samantha “Sam” Parker (Kari Wuhrer) and a spider enthusiast himself, pays his friend a visit at the farm.  Joshua explains that the spiders have all been getting bigger as we are introduced to each species one by one. After a tarantula gets loose and bites the caretaker, he knocks over all the cages (really trying to make sure not to miss a one) before being enveloped in mutated creepy crawlies. Just like that, our creatures are free to roam about town. 

[Related] Retro Horror Review: ’28 Days Later’ and the Search For Life at the End of the World

Chris McCormick (David Arquette) returns home after 10 years to Prosperity, Arizona. Thanks to some failed ‘get rich quick’ schemes of its inept mayor, the town has gone bankrupt. Still harboring feelings for the local sheriff, Chris decides he wants to try and salvage what’s left of the town and search the local mines for the legendary gold. Finding opposition with Mayor Wade (Leon Rippy), who is trying to sell the town, Chris sets off to finish what his father had started and re-opens the mines. Too bad all the spider tracks lead right into these tunnels under the town.

The first of many spider attacks comes at the expense of comic relief deputy Pete’s (Rick Overton) cat as it’s pulled into an exposed hole in the wall. In an almost Looney Tunes like fight scene (the cat’s face comes through the plaster and makes a literal impression) between this unknown assailant and the family cat, it’s clear something unexplainable is going on.

Eight Legged Freaks sets the tone early for the level of violence we’re going to be getting into. That’s to say, a lot of creepy factor, people and animals alike being pulled quickly out of frame, a lot of green spider goo but no blood. Even a scene with the sheriff’s daughter, Ashely (Scarlett Johansson) being pinned to the wall in webbing as she is coming out of the shower, is played more for laughs than screams. There are casualties throughout, but they’re not gruesome and most are off screen or hidden somehow.

The filmmakers managed to create some fun set pieces throughout Eight Legged Freaks that keep the momentum going through the thin character stories and budding romances. The ostrich farm attack by trap door spiders, a giant tarantula making short work of a camper and a motor bike chase through the desert by jumping arachnids all really sell the campiness the filmmakers were going for, but in the most entertaining of ways.

The core cast really do a solid job playing off one another. There are some genuine moments between Sheriff Parker and her daughter that could have come across as goofy in the wrong hands, but with these two actresses in their roles, plays sweet and sincere. David Arquette is oddly the most subdued in this role of all the films I have seen him in.

Out of any he could have gone huge with, it would have been a giant spider movie. He’s awkward and charming in the role of Chris, and has great chemistry with Sam. You can feel their history without them having to say anything. The rest of the townspeople are characters for sure, and really sell the fun of that 50’s era monster movie. 

If you want an entertaining creature feature without the gore, then Eight Legged Freaks is a great watch. It’s silly enough to make you laugh and clever enough to keep you wanting to see how it will resolve itself, or if it even will. The scares are minimal at best, but what it will do it have you checking over your shoulder every ten minutes just to make sure nothing is crawling up behind you. 3.5/5

You can check out the trailer for Eight Legged Freaks below and it is now streaming on HBOMax. Be sure to follow ScaryNerd for more of all things horror, sci-fi and more.

About Post Author