Naomi McDougall Jones, Annie Golden, Christian Coulson in Bite Me
Review: ‘Bite Me’ is a Romantic Comedy with Teeth, but Very Little Blood
Bite Me is now available on VOD. Reader beware, spoilers ahead!
The romantic comedy with vampires Bite Me might just be for you this Valentine season, written by Naomi McDougall Jones (79 Parts)and directed by Meredith Edwards (Imagine I’m Beautiful). The film stars Christian Coulson (Harry Potter: Chamber of Secrets), Naomi Grossman (American Horror Story), and Antino Crowley-Kamenwati (Law and Order).
When a reality show featuring a real-life vampire leader named Stacz (Crowley-Kamenwati) becomes a hit, a group that has kept to themselves and stayed off the radar is suddenly thrust into the open and becomes the focus of the IRS. Just like that, Sarah Woods’ (Jones) life is turned upside down. The tax exemption status of her vampiric church, the “House of Twilight” (yes, there are jokes about this) is being revoked, and she must come up with a lot of money and quick.
James (Coulson) is divorced, living with a born-again roommate, has mother issues, and is stuck in a dead-end position at the IRS. When Sarah’s file comes across his desk, his superiors let him know this is a slam dunk case, which could really make his career. But after meeting this purple-haired, Jameson drinking, face tattooed vampire, his perspective and priorities begin to change.
As the audit drags on, the two begin to spend more time together under the perception that James needs to know more about her organization before deciding. Attending Vampire balls, meeting the congregation (her two roommates desperate to create a viral video), and dealing with the prejudices from his friends and mom. James must decide if what his heart wants outweighs what he’s being told to do. While Sarah contemplates opening herself up to someone again after being hurt before.
What was refreshing and unique to the vampire lore in Bite Me, was that it threw out the usual tropes that we’ve come to know. Garlic, sunlight, and crosses are powerless, and vampirism isn’t a curse from being bitten. It’s a biological condition that renders a person unable to produce their own energy. Hence the blood-drinking, but never from a bite, that’s unhygienic.
Two awkward souls finding each other despite their differences are at the root of Bite Me. Honestly, that vampire angle is interesting, but the movie would have worked without it regardless. There is never a real threat like in other stories with a “monster” and human falling in love. Even in a room full of vampires, James feels safe and loses himself in the moment, making for a very entertaining dance number. I can recall only one instance where there is a genuine element of horror and blood-sucking, but it’s quick and not brought up again.
The two leads, Jones and Coulson, are unlikeable when we first meet them. Once they’re together, they tend to bring out the best in one another, and you find yourself rooting for these two. They’re charismatic, sarcastic, damaged, and both do a great job playing the vulnerable state one finds themselves in after a breakup. You really become invested in their characters as you spend time with them. Naomi Grossman is a dynamo and steals every scene she’s in. Fearless and hilarious, I’m curious to watch her AHS episodes now.
Mild on the horror but feeling like a movie that would have been an indie hit in the 90s. Bite Me is a clever take on a tired trope and a solid watch for those that maybe don’t want to see someone’s innards displayed on date night. With solid performances, a killer soundtrack, and some great laughs and self-references, it’s one to check out when you’re in the mood for fangs, but not the gore. 3.5/5
Bite Me is now available to stream on AppleTV and iTunes. You can check out the trailer below and be sure to follow ScaryNerd for all things horror, sci-fi and more.
About Post Author
K.B. O’Neil is an artist, writer and musician living in Cincinnati, Ohio. He loves movies, books, video games, snuggling his two pups and all things Horror. When not working he can be found getting into adventures with his wife and their new daughter.