Review: Netflix’ ‘Night Teeth’ is all Pretty Bark with No Substantial Bite

Vampire legends are about as vast a sub-genre in the horror landscape as any other of our favorite monsters. From Nosferatu, Lost Boys, Let the Right one In, Near Dark, and even, yes, Twilight audiences have watched over the years as vampires have been re-invented as the culture shifts.

With Night Teeth now streaming on Netflix, director Adam Randall, along with screenwriter Brent Dillion, take to the streets of Los Angeles to give us a glimpse at their hidden world of glamour, and power that these vampiric families have. With its highly stylized opening monologue, neon enriched locations, and a menagerie of designer-clad bloodsuckers, Night Teeth takes the lore out of the gothic age and into the club scene. 

Vamps can’t let humans know they exist; they can’t feast on anyone unwilling, and they can never set foot in the East LA neighborhood of Boyle Heights. When a truce is brokered after a particularly bloody skirmish during the Vampire/ Human wars, rules are set to keep the peace. That truce inevitably is broken when a rogue mid-level vampire boss Victor (Alfie Allen: Game of Thrones), kidnaps the girlfriend of Boyle Heights gang leader Jay (Raúl Castillo), igniting the feud once more.

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Benny (Jorge Lendeborg Jr.) lives with his abuela, struggles with his studies, pines after a girl he’ll never be with, and wishes he could work on his music full time. He’s not cool but desperately wants to be. With his cash flow running short, he asks a favor of brother Jay to let him chauffeur for the night to earn some fast money. Enter Blaire (Debby Ryan) and Zoe (Lucy Fry), his clients for the evening. They’re young, beautiful, naughty, and unbeknownst to Benny, vampires. They have five stops to make before sunrise, and they intend on keeping their schedule.

When their secret is revealed, Benny has no choice but to continue with the plan as he’s no match for their strength. Continuing with their mission, he delves deeper and deeper into this blood-soaked night. As vampires and hunters alike all merge for the inevitable final collision, who will be left standing and who will be left to burn as the dawn approaches. Lives will be lost, families betrayed, and his loyalties will be tested as a budding romance develops with Blaire. 

Lendeborg Jr.’s portrayal of Benny is the standout in Night Teeth. His reactions are the most authentic as anyone in their right mind would behave if faced with the circumstances of walking in on their passengers feeding on two men in an upscale hotel. He was trying to flag down a police officer, attempting to escape, negotiating all to no avail as he was way over his head. Despite his awkwardness, he’s charming and genuinely funny, and you can’t help but root for him.

Lucy Fry is having the time of her life as the sadistic Zoe. She chews up the scenery and relishes the devil may care attitude of her character. Alfie Allen is underutilized as Victor, I’ve seen the depth and nuance he can bring in his acting, but he might as well be a mustache-twirling villain in this. We don’t understand the motivation behind his coup as there isn’t a lot of history with the vampiric lineage and hierarchy. 

Megan Fox and Sydney Sweeny, the biggest names in the cast, are in this for about four minutes and are grossly underutilized. Which left their performance feeling more like doing someone a favor than taking a role in a movie. I can ignore the basic plot being pulled straight from ‘Collateral,’ as it’s a solid narrative design, and I feel Night Teeth could have been unique if that is all they focused on. Introducing a Vampiric war, overthrowing the leading families, and a missing girlfriend hunt thrown into the mix felt too busy. Without knowing this universe properly, there just weren’t any stakes in the drama. Character arcs suffer as we’re pulled away just when things begin to develop.

Visually they’re having a lot of fun with their environments, but I wish there were more distinctions between locations. As all the multi-colored lighting makes it feel like we’ve been here before, scene after scene. There are some exciting set pieces, and the action is reminiscent of ‘Blade’  but with a more down and dirtier feel other than martial arts-based fight choreography. The crossbow fight was the standout for me, both conceptually and visually. 

Night Teeth sets itself up for more storytelling, and perhaps with a more developed world, there are some exciting places they can go. However, I felt like many character threads were left forgotten, and maybe in later installments, they can explore those a bit further. Randall has created pure entertainment that doesn’t ask a thing of its audience, and that’s okay. But with dialogue that takes shots at “Hollywood” for getting their mythos wrong, it doesn’t offer us anything new to sink our teeth into. 2/5

★★

You can check out the trailer for Night Teeth below and the film is now streaming only on Netflix. Did you like this stylized vampire flick? Leave a comment below and let us know! Be sure to follow ScaryNerd for all things horror, sci-fi and more.

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